Goodbye

Written Saturday: September 12,2015
Goodbye. I say it to my kids every time they leave me at the end of every school day when they shake my hand. I say it with excitement because another day is done. Another day into the folders that I like to categorize in my head as Amazing, Stressful, Successful, Tiring, Exhilarating etc.  Saying goodbye is something that is always so important to me. Whenever I have dinner with our family and the night is coming to an end,  I hug every person goodbye because really you just never know. This time I do know.
It breaks my heart that I have to say goodbye to our dear Bleu.  For the past year I knew this time was coming. I was expecting Bleu to be here 3-4 months after he went blind most likely from a brain tumor. We have made it almost a year since I got that devastating news. Once realizing our time was counting down I said "screw his diet and give him an extra cup of food!"So after those 4 months passed I just had a heavier dog but I also gained a heavier heart for the next months to come. I got to have so much more time with Bleu than I ever expected.  I never thought we would make it to Christmas, his birthday on Valentine's Day or the summer.  We are so lucky that we got to experience it all one more time with Bleu. It was Bonus Time.
Our vet has told us for months. You will know. You will know when it's time.  I was going crazy because I just never thought that would happen. Yet it did. I know it is time because when I look at Bleu I am happy to see him and he is happy to be with us yet I can also see that his body is failing him. Last week when we took him to the lake for his final trip I was sitting with him and petting him to help him go to sleep. He was whimpering and moaning. He put his paw up at me and even though I know he can't see me he looked at me then laid his head back down.  I just said "I know, Bleu".
Getting back from the lake was difficult and I was all kinds of emotions. I knew that was his last trip there and he really loves that place more than our own home I think. I started to look through old photos of Bleu and I just kept crying and I also smiled and laughed. Had Bleu really been that young?! It seems so long ago. I forget the years when Bleu ran faster than me and I couldn't catch him and although he has only been blind for a little over a year of his life I forget how he was when he could see. Memories of Bleu not running into things and hurting himself are so blurry but they are there in the photos. I looked at the pictures and saw what an amazing life Bleu had and what amazing memories he gave us.  I am choosing to reflect on the great life Bleu has had and I am so glad we all took so many photos of him.

Thank you so much to all of our family and friends for always loving on Bleu and helping us take care of him when we had to be out of town. I want to give a special thanks to my mom. For the past year she has come to our home every single day at noon while we are at work to let Bleu out for us. His tumor caused him to basically always be thirsty and he drinks so much water and he also could not go longer than four hours without being let outside. Mom, without you we wouldn't have been able to have that time with him. We are so grateful for your help. Thank you to Crestway Animal Clinic and the wonderful Dr. Ed Nichols for always loving and taking care of Bleu like he was your own. We appreciate you so much.


Bleu,
We taught you how to sit, shake, lay down and walk on a leash. You taught us to be patient, loving and forgiving as well as to laugh whenever things were out of our control. I cannot express how much you mean to us. You grew up with us. We were only 19 year old college freshmen when we made the commitment to take on the responsibility of a puppy. While you were going from a puppy to a grown up pup we were teenagers becoming adults and I have no doubt you helped us in more ways than one. You got to experience college with us and live through the crazy parties your dad would throw which I am sure you loved because of all the snacks people would give you.  I am going to miss you. You are my morning buddy while Hannah and dad sleep in. I don't want to be selfish and keep you here anymore because I don't want you to feel anymore pain. My heart is sad but it is also full because of all the joy you gave us and how lucky we were to get you that day in April 9 1/2 years ago. You are taking a huge piece of my heart with you. I love you so much my Bubbidy Bleu.

Love,
Your Momma


Video: Bleu's Beautiful Life